Introductions to Fenroth, world of Hope & Despair

[VemuKhaham]

First of all: this is my first post here on these proboards, so I'd like to say 'hello': hello.
My real name is Joost van den Oever, I come from the Netherlands, age 17. My username 'VemuKhaham' is dwarven language meaning 'Greetings, my Clan'. That said, I've played Dungeons&Dragons 3.5 since it was published, before having played a couple of years in 3.0.

Enough about me; on to the thing I came for on the 'Writings & Scriblings' board: I have written a text I would like to post here, but I don't know wether this is an appropriate place for it. It is more or less a description of my homebrew world, written from the point of view of people from that world, and it slowly changes from world description into a campain adventure hook. It counts 13 chapters and 2 appendices. I also have to say that when you look at certain aspects you might see some things that were greatly inspired by Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.

As I've noticed a lot of good feedback on these boards I'd hope to receive the same. But first I would like to ask if this is an appropriate place for such a text?

- Greetings, VemuKhaham

[K Man]

VemuKhaham,

Post away. There are many people here that are good at helping out with fashioning a world. Myself included.

Glad you joined our boards and hope we can help you out.

Look forward to reading your stuff.

KMan

[VemuKhaham]

First of all: thank you very much. I will post two chapters every day here, and at the end I will post the two appendices. This means that in eight days everything will be here. Please give me no mercy when it comes to comments.



Introduction to Fenroth, world of Hope and Despair

Chapter I – Introductions to Fenroth

At last... Firm soil beneath my feet. I cannot describe with mere words, the excitement, the joy and the fear I experience now. A new world means new hope. Hope for people who thought hope had forsaken them. Maybe there will be hope for me too, on this vast continent.

- Haia the Banished,
former inhabitant of Ban Isle
4031, Year of Rebirth

[/i][/right]

There aren’t many sources left on this world that remind us of the Times That Were Good. Books have been claimed by the enormous waves of the ocean. Scrolls were burned during the Great Disaster. Scribes were killed by those who seek to plunder. Maybe that the tragedy of my people made me write these pages of lost history. Maybe that simple curiosity set me writing. I only know I am not a knowledgeable scribe. I am just a pioneer of a New World.

- Grisham the Curious,
4032, Year of Seeding

Grisham the Curious... Writing a historical book? I think once again Grisham has put his nose into things he cannot even begin to comprehend. But he is a fast learner, so maybe I’ll allow him a shot and see what he achieves. With my help of course. If not, this book would surely become some fiction novel or a fairy tale, let alone an accurate and objective source for our historians to rely on. So I will make side notes and comments from time to time, when our good friend Grisham touches in the dark once again.

- Karan the Humble, Archmage of Gelrone
4032, Year of Seeding

[/right]

As a general guide for those who are reading this book and still share the same curiosity as I do; I will start to describe our world, in it’s entirety as we know it. This will not be an easy start, but one can only really comprehend the small when understanding the larger concept first.
So I will start by telling you about our world, the world known by some as Fenroth, or, in the more common thongue, Hollow Rock. Why was it given this strange name, you say? Well, the shape of our world, as was revealed by great divinations, is an enormous ball, with an enormous emptiness inside it’s hard shells. The surface is described by some as Black Rock, which cannot be perforated by whatever means, even magi...

...I must urge you to stop your blathering, my good, though perhaps a bit ignorant, friend Grisham. Do not underestimate magic, as, if I recall correctly, you already did once before. For it was indeed magic, that made an enormous hole through this so-called Black Rock. Sages tell us that once the Hollow Rock wasn’t hollow, and that it burned from the inside. A fiery essence was boiling in it’s centre, and it would only take a matter of time before it would implode, destroying all of the Hollow Rock. The gods themselves did not wish this to happen, some say, and they created the Heaven’s Gate, an enormous hole in the Hollow Rock. The enormous ball of fire could now escape through the hole. The ball shrinked and shrinked, until it was just a small ball in comparison to the Hollow Rock it was situated in. These days, some sages still think the Hollow rock turns around this ball of fire, and that’s why they call it Krenroth, better known as Centre Rock.


Chapter II – Aenysia

It seems as though I was mistaken, but even the best of writers can sometimes confuse things. This was all the knowledge pertaining our beautiful planet that I can pass on to you, loyal reader. So I will continue to the next step of this journey to knowledge, which will discuss all that reaches beyond our mortal vision, like the gods of Fenroth and their home, Aenysia. The gods are the beginning of things, so we believe, and thus, great knowledge can be gained by learning from their tales.

For this reason, I start with a short description of our Universal Pantheon, the only true pantheon on this plane of existence. The Universal Pantheon contains many a god, those who are good, and those who seek to destroy. I will tell you that all of these gods once lived together in the same place, Aenysia, for many of us mortals the most beautiful place in imagination, as no mortal eyes have ever seen it. Still, stories abound about this great place, telling us about the great planes of Aenysia, were there is never a winter, never a night. But ‘t was not always this way. Before we Fenrothians even existed, our priests tell, Aenysia was a neutral place, were dark gods roamed the lands just like good gods did. There was an eternal war between those two powers. The good gods were lead by Da, God of Divinity. Evil was strictly organised as well, with Ogh being their Great Master. The wars continued until Lethin, a servant of Ogh, betrayed his Great Master, joining the Forces of Good. He told of the secret of Ogh; the Shrine of Impurity, a shrine that held the essence of all evil in Aenysia. So to, there was a shrine which contained the goodness, heavily guarded by the Roaring Spirits. This shrine was called the Shrine of Benevolence. Having learned of the secret Shrine of Impurity, Da released an enormous power from the Shrine of Benevolence, blasting the Shrine of Impurity, and all who defended it, to smithereens. The god Ogh was banished with the few survivors from Aenysia, and they were left with only nothingness; all that is not Aenysia. Since then, Aenysia has been a peaceful place of Goodness, like we mortals wish to imagine it.

Fair enough, fair enough... yes... oh, I already thought he would overlook that. No matter, I shall comment on it at once. Grisham, I hope you didn’t forget about the Dawn of Corruption? After all, it is possibly the most relevant matter that I wished to see in this chapter for our good readers. I hope you will get to it soon enough...

No, of course I didn’t forget the Dawn of Corruption. How would I? Just a little patience, ‘master’ Karan, which it seems, you are lacking. However, this book needs to continue. Where were we? Oh yes...

[VemuKhaham]

Chapter III – The Six Divine

In the next few pages, I shall introduce you to the one beings that shaped all that we know of today; the gods. It is important to know of them, for the gods are not easily appeased, when they think their worship is failing, not to speak of it when one would completely ignore them! So here is a quick introduction to all of these almighty beings, and perhaps it will be the most important lesson you shall find within these scrolls of knowledge.

So far... Agreed completely! The gods are undoubtedly the most influencing factor one has to pay attention to, when learning the Tales of our World.

So there are numerous gods in existence, good and evil. One would be foolish to try to count all of these, but certainly that isn’t even necessary, for one can count those that really matter to us mortals. And thus I can give to you the knowledge that their are six immortal beings that interfere with the live in Fenroth, five of which are good and mighty, and one whom is feared by even darkness itself. Lucky you say, that there is only one? Ha, just wait until you know of what I speak, and think again!

First of all, I shall describe for you the God of Divinity, the Almighty, the Ruler of Aenysia, and his true name is known by us as Da. The Father of Gods is not only the most powerful being in this universe, he is also the one who shines the brightest. Because of this, we as his people have devoted to him Krenroth, our bright centre of the world. They say Da is vigilant, strong, glorious and fair. He is pictured as a man with a long grey beard and hear, and a sword that would pierce the Black Rock on the surface of Fenroth. His eyes are golden, his arms muscled, and his torso is protected by the lightest and most beautiful cuirass imaginable.

Then, there is Lethin, who was already mentioned above as the one who abandoned his dark nature for the goodness in which he wanted to partake. Today Lethin has been forgiven his grim past, but never should it be forgotten. He has been tasked with one of the greatest functions imaginable, by Da himself. His task is to find that which is still tainted by darkness, and purify it, or destroy it, when necessary. This task has been appointed to him for an obvious explanation: he knows what it is to be evil, and good. He is pictured as a grey cloud, for his colour still reminds of his past.

Thirdly, we will discuss Djenna, Mother of Gods and Goodness, Protector of Love, Symbol of Silent Suffering, the Timekeeper. To really understand how most women are seen throughout the many kingdoms of old Fenroth, one must know of Djenna, one of the two female goddesses in Aenysia. She is the wife of Da, and therefore seen as mother of all gods. She watches over these gods as her children, some say, catering to their every need. She knows about all things that take place in every dark and hidden place in Fenroth, and because she was always so up to date of what was going on, Da gave her the Art of Foreseeing, so that now she could look into not only the present, but also the future. She used this gift more then some would please, and her gift would save Aenysia from many a danger in the future. She is pictured as a firm and warm lady, sometimes with a crystal ball in her left hand.

Another very important god from Aenysia is Nachos, God of Justice, Honour, War and Wealth. All that we men have created belongs to his domains. He is the Protector of Civilisation. He guards Faygon, the Citadel of Aenysia, the home of Gods. He was the one who came up with the idea of placing us mortals on Hollow Rock, for he is an ambitious man. He is, second perhaps only to Da, the one who guides us mortals through the darkest of ages. Priests tell us that Nachos always walks in his shining plate mail, covered and armed from head to toe. Sometimes though, he carries with him merchant’s scales, symbolising his sense of justice and his pursuit for wealth.

The last one I shall describe to you of the good gods, is Amadia, goddess of Nature, Beauty, the Uncivilised World and Fenroth itself. She guards all that is untouched by human hands, and she does so with al care. Her love for nature and finesse in her caring brings her all to often in conflict with Nachos, God of Civilisation, who can be very rude and harsh sometimes. Normally, when a conflict arises, Djenna notices it soon enough, telling her husband the news, who instantly solves everything. There is to be no doubt of the untouched beauty of this goddess, for which some of the lesser gods have already fallen. In most cases, they regret this however, one way or the other. Da doesn’t take kindly sometimes to this free spirit, and her seducing nature.
The picture of Amadia is that of a young, beautiful woman, mostly residing between natures beauties. She normally caries her flute with her.

Now, I do not know if it would be wise, but I guess it would be ignorant to not include the Wielder of the Dead Staff, Master of Darkness Ogh. I will keep this as brief as possible however, for even I, not an all to religious man, am not comfortable to even write these words down, for the ink of my feather suddenly seems more then just that, ink. Their is no need to describe the things Ogh has brought to this world, for it is all that normal people do not wish to have there. Pain, suffering, hunger, fear and dead are just some examples of the many Curses of Ogh. He governs al that is evil, and those who think the dark path is the most promising of both paths, mostly revere to him, and thus, his power is great. I dare not think of what appearance such an abomination must have, and neither do our priests. They just speak of impenetrable darkness, all around. I think I will leave it with that. I fear I will have to talk about Ogh and his presence here on Fenroth for already to many times, even when the next chapter will bring us closer to us mortals again.

I think Grisham is, as I already said, indeed a quick learner. If he holds true to his words, that he is going to discuss the Dawn of Corruption soon, then I have nothing to comment further. I fear I must even comment him on a job well done...


Chapter IV – The Times That Were Good

Cities... What can be said about them? Together they form kingdoms, and thus they represent it’s inhabitants pride. We seek only to let these cities prosper, so that its people can feed their sense of greatness.

- Ehgan Corham the Magnificent,
High King of Fenmar, in the Northern Territories,
3824, Year of the Silver Cuirass

[/i][/b][/right]

How do I long back for those days that are gone, forever. How do I curse the first day of the Dawn. I will now take you back, many years, to the Times That Were Good. This name was given to the era of prosperity, during which all of the ancient kingdoms thrived and flourished. There was peace all over the continent of Hularan, were we all come from. The Nine Kingdoms, Giran, Haran, Thuran, Fenmar, Untar, Origan, Sathra Ghan, Iliantur and Fresia forged alliance after alliance. People were wealthy, none excluded. Artisans made cultural achievements, historians wrote pages full of glorious decades. I, Grisham the Curious, found my luck working in a library. And that says something!

Grisham, if what you want is to write a historically accurate book, then refrain from these subjective exaggerations. You are indeed in your right to say that these ages were prosperous times, but there is not such a thing as “perfection”. Of course there were those who were not as fortunate as some. And I might even include you in this category... Boasting that you’re working in a library isn’t going to help you, or increase your believability. Especially when I reveal your real job in this library, Mr. Handyman!

Ahem, I beg your pardon? Why do you insist on bothering me? I do not recall having asked for your all but helpful assistance. So I hope you will think twice before opening your mouth in such a tone next time.
Luckily, I have got my hands on an old map of the Nine Kingdoms, which will explain more then a thousand words. I will include it in this book soon, so that you gain insight in the whereabouts of that beautiful now gone place.

How did you, in the name of the Six Divine, got your hands on an old exemplar of a map on the Nine Kingdoms?? You must either have stumbled upon a fortune, or.. what I believe to be the case, gained it in a less appropriate manner...

I will not answer your ridiculous suspicions. Instead, I will just swear it on my good name that I obtained that map in an honest fashion.

[EDIT: I noticed a very confusing typo in the description of Nachos, were I talked about IMmortals instead of mortals.]

[K Man]

Looks good so far Vemu,

A few things I like:

1) I like that it's written like an interaction between two people. Puts more into the minds of the reader rather than the usual dull blather of this is this way, that is that way. It's a good twist.

2) I like the detail you've put into it thus far. Fleshing out a world is a hard thing to do and you seem to have put alot of work into this.

3) Quotes, I like 'em. Always nice flavor text.

4) Names. You've got some good ones.

And now for the critique;

1) In your first chapter, I would flesh out that beginning chapter with a bit more detail. Perhaps some major geographical features. I know I as a reader, if I'm going through something and read a blurb about a place called, 'The Tower of Infinite Pain' or something, I'll usually keep reading until I see what the tower is and does. Draws the reader into the piece.

2) I would rename Chapter III to be a sub chapter of II. You're still talking about the gods and your pantheon, so why not make it one solid chapter?

3) I also seem to recall an idea very similar to this called 'Hollow World'. An old TSR supplement where the interior of the planet was hollowed out by some magical catastrophe.. I would check before going much further to ensure your idea is not that close to the idea of 'Hollow World'. Or at least check it out and see if you can draw more ideas from it, adding life to an old supplement that never got much play.

[VemuKhaham]

Thanks for the comments, K man. Especially the compliments.
But to answer your critique:
1) What do you mean exactly when you say major geographical features? Do you refer to continents, or perhaps I should tell more about the Heaven's Gate? Could you be a bit more specific please?
2) You're right about that. I shall edit it later.
3) I searched the internet for it, and read the big lines of the idea. I think, even though both that and my world are hollow, they differ enough in theme. I will look into it more when I have time, because it might help with things like figuring out what a hollow world would mean to physics etc. (I already feared some things would be very unlogical)
________________________________________________

Chapter V - A map of Hularan

And here it is then; the map of Hularan, the Ancient Continent! Behold!

Ai, this is indeed an accurate map of the ancient continent Hularan. I just hope I am right if I believe your words about its source.


www.freewebs.com/dmjoost/Images/MapHularan1.jpg
[Press the link to go to the map of Hularan. If it doesn't work either, copy the url to your address bar. I hope this works. I'm kinda' bad with computers...]

Scale: 1cm=200miles

Legenda:
dominant green: plains
Light blue: water surface
light grey: tundra
Yellow: desert
Brown: mountain ranges
Light green: dense forest/tropical forest
Dark green: forest
Dark grey lines: rivers

[Remarks:
- the 'O' on the compass stands for East, as in Dutch East is called Oost.
- I decided not to place cities with less then 20.000 inhabitants on this continental map, as it would get too mutch .]


Chapter VI – The Dawn of Corruption

Fire arises on the horizon. We shall not be able to return to our home cities once more. Fighting those who wish to be fought is always in vain.

- Iseld Fenmay,
Captain of the Northern Post
4028, Year of the Falling Feather

[/i][/right]

Alas, to all good things comes an end. The Times That Were Good were no exception to this rule. In this case, we refer to the ending of this period as the Dawn of Corruption, a terrible ending for such a great time. This chapter, my good readers, will tell you all about the ending of an Era of Prosperity.

Finally we have arrived to the chapter that will truly matter for our readers. I know that even the wisest of men cannot describe the process of the Dawn without even a minor mistake, and thus I will, more then ever, try to help you, Grisham, to stay on the right track.

As I said, not too long ago, something occurred that would change the world of the Nine Kingdoms forever. Most people say it began on Ban Isle, but those with a more keen vision point out the lands of the elves, said by some to be the most beautiful creatures imaginable, second only to the gods, were the Dawn might have been triggered by some unholy event. We, however, shall never truly know the source from which this darkness arose.
To answer this question, people have started rumours all over the Nine Kingdoms, and this spread great panic everywhere. Talk of Ogh, the Master of Darkness, started in the lands of Giran. People said that the inhabitants of Ban Isle, the new colony of Giran, an island used as a massive prison, had revolted, and that they started to worship this Wielder of the Dead Staff, as the outcasts that they were.
An army was send to investigate, and when all contact was lost, another one followed them. We don’t know what happened to them, but with the knowledge that we have today, our imagination has enough fuel to produce some horrible fates for these brave soldiers and sailors.
Giran’s king at that time, Romar the Desperate, was, as his name suggests, desperate. He called for an emergency Council of representatives of all the Nine Kingdoms, which took place not much later, in the capitol city of Haran, Tosva. Sathra Ghan, the only kingdom that didn’t show up, was furious at Giran since the so-called Revolt of the Banned, because these were prisoners of Giran who threatened the shore of their land. Peace was threatened, and the only thing the Council decided was that Giran should give independence to it’s colony, so that the revolt would stop. However, this was not an acceptable solution to Giran. This time, the kingdom hired a group of archmages of Gelrone, to get their advice.

Let me take over from here, Grisham. Our order of Gelrone, an ancient order in the Kingdom of Giran, were to provide information on the mysterious Revolt on Ban Isle. Some of our greatest Diviners tried to search for the answers, but all they reported was that they could not penetrate the thick clouds of Darkness that had captured the island. They said the Darkness kept growing taller, and they dared not try to look into the Darkness again. Even the greatest of magicians in our order of Gelrone were stunned and helpless against this ever-growing evil. So was I, and it felled horrible...

[K Man]

Again, great work Vemu,

In response.
1) Yes, I mean geopgraphical features just like that. When I read the words, 'Heaven's Gate', I instantly want to continue reading. Don't even describe what the features are at that point, just put something like:

"Fenroth is home to many strange and wonderous place like, Heaven's Gate, The Shrine of Shezbot, The Rising Falls...etc..."

That makes readers want to read.

Now the new critique.

1) Can you fix the Image link for your map? We/I can't see it. I'd love to see the world you created.
2) I'm hoping you finish the last chapter to detail more about the Dawn of Corruption? You kinda left me hanging. Gave me enough to entice, but not enough to understand.

Other than that, looks great. Keep it coming.

[VemuKhaham]

Thanks again for your post, K man.
1)I'm sorry about the inconvience on the mapping. I'm not very skilled with computers, and I have now edited my previous post and included the link to the map.
2)Yes. I hope it wasn't disturbing or anything, for it is my intention to keep the suspence... Actually, the Tale of the Dawn is far from complete, and in the following chapters I hope you'll find some of the answers you seek...

I have a question too:
What do you think about the scale of my map of Hularan? Is it realistic?

Chapter VII – The Harsh Truth

Such a mystery it was to all of us what this stirring evil was doing on Ban Isle. Most of the kings, wise men and generals were already informed that this was no ordinary revolt of some prisoners. It was much larger then that, but we could not see through the darkness to reveal its source.
It didn’t last long before the clouds of blackness reached the shores of Sathra Ghan, filling the streets of Cegher with black dust. People fled the city, but they could not run fast enough, and they too were absorbed into bitter darkness. Cegher, and it’s stubborn king A’gar, were lost.
Magicians, priests, shamans and knights came from all places of Hularan to fight the advancing darkness, but all who tried did not know what to fight, and thus, these brave men and woman were soaked up into their greatest nemesis; evil.

The Black Clouds had already covered all of Sathra Ghan and now even Golodon, when a strange elven mage stumbled into the Council Seating of the Nine Kingdoms in Tosva, were he collapsed and started crying. It is said that he cried himself to dead, for his grieve was larger then his will to live. Even though his untimely dead, he provided the wisest of the archmages of Gelrone with answers to their greatest questions. For he carried with him an ancient scroll, readable only to the most learned scholars of these times. I shall now present to you a quote from this scroll:

The claw of the Wielder of the Dead Staff reaches far
Farther even then those who banished him from Aenysia dared think
For he shall return, with regained strength,
To exact revenge on those who worship his enemy

There is no way to stop him, no way to run
No chance of escaping, for it has already begun

These words shocked all who read them, and the harsh truth crippled the courage of many a brave man. The scholars now had a clue as to what was behind the impenetrable Clouds of Darkness. It was Ogh, Master of Darkness, and all he wanted was revenge.
Scholars knew of the prophecy which this letter tells of, but never had they thought of it as something serious, for who could resist the will of Da, God of Divinity? No one could, or so they thought, until now...
The dust of the books which contained knowledge of this prophecy was brushed of, and this search for answers would tell that Ogh had searched into the Eternal Nothingness for all pieces of the Shrine of Impurity, and now he had all of them. He rebuild the shrine, not in Aenysia, were he had only enemies, but on Ban Isle, Fenroth. Meanwhile, he had been in Aenysia too, in the greatest secret, and there he corrupted the Roaring Spirits, the Guardians of the Shrine of Benevolence. It is believed, that from then on, these Spirits guard the Shrine of Impurity.

But how did this strange elven mage knew for certain that this was Ogh’s doing? That was not so hard to explain: a long time ago, a strange black pillar was spotted by some elves on one of the islands in the nation of Iliantur. It seemed as though the pillar was still under construction. The blackness it radiated made the elves alarmed, and elven mages used their great spells on the pillar and destroyed it. Strangely enough, there was no trace of its ruins anymore since the beginning of the Dawn of Corruption...


Chapter VIII – Run or Die

With all this knowledge, however, soon came panic. It was forbidden by penalty of dead to all who were entrusted with the knowledge, to tell of these new discoveries to the common people. This was meant to prevent panic. These rulings were, of course, in vain, for dead is not what people fear in times such as these.

And thus, word began in the Kingdom of Thuran, and soon all Hularan turned into one enormous rumour mill. Widespread panic followed. The dwarves of the Untar Mountain Range fled their cave complexes, to the east, were their was still no sign of the Black Clouds. During their March of the Damned, as it was later called, they passed through Haran, and their number grew taller and taller. Humans from northern Haran and Fenmar joined the march. They went to Giran, hoping for a safer home. Behind them the cities were lost to the Black Clouds, and all who stayed were turned into horrible abominations. This way, Ogh created an enormous army of monsters, varying greatly in kind, from green slimy aberrations to bony skeletons. The Hordes of the Black Cloud, they were called. Fighting them was in vain, for they knew neither fear nor pain. Actually, people who tried, and lived to tell of it, say that every blow they dealt to the monsters seemed to only feed the creatures with more and more hatred and bloodlust. The dwarves of Untar are known for their ferociousness and great courage in battle, but even they could not keep their axes steady when facing these monsters.

I think it is important for one to know more about Ban Isle itself, and the fate of it’s many prisoner inhabitants. For not all of them where mutated by the Black Cloud, Grisham. I hope you will tell of Haia soon, for you had mentioned him before.

Indeed, the tale of the young and brave Haia the Banished is worth telling. For it was his doing that there was still some hope for those who lived on Hularan to save their lives, and flee to the place where we are now.

Haia was once, years before the Dawn of Corruption, the son of a noble man in Giran, destined to be a great leader. He was both strong and brave, and he earned the respect of his childhood friends. When he reached his seventeenth year, he would soon follow his father’s footsteps. But his father was murdered in his sleep, and the blame would soon fall on Haia, for some too ambitious for their liking. And so he was banished to Ban Isle, like most criminals, were he would rot the rest of his life.

Haia’s destiny to become a hero was not banished from Haia’s soul, like he was banished from Hularan. When the Dawn began on Ban Isle, and Ogh had descended upon Fenroth, he would then show his true identity: Haia, son of Heia, knight of the True Crown. While all around him, the island turned to ash and fire, he stood up, and led his fellow prisoners and even the harsh prison guards away from the evilness, towards the shores. Haia knew that they could never outrun the advancing Black Clouds, so he sacrificed himself by running back, not from the Clouds, but right into them. No one knows what really happened there and how he managed to survive, even Haia himself doesn’t, but we know that he came back alive with a piece of the Shrine of Impurity, greatly reducing the power of the Master of Darkness. Even Haia says he doesn’t remember what happened when he went into the Black Clouds. Priests tell us that he must have been guided by Da, the only god who dared to challenge the Wielder of the Dead Staff.

All we know is that Haia came back alive, and fled the island in time with the other inhabitants of the cursed island, on the flagship of one of the great fleets of Giran, ‘The Resistance’. He went back to Giran, where he would try to save the people who once blamed him for murder...

Please, do not tell of Haia as though he is a great and benevolent saviour! He is still a murderer, even though he dared to face the darkness of the Black Clouds. He only survived the wrath of Ogh because of Da, who guided and protected him. Be objective!

[VemuKhaham]

Chapter IX – One Last Effort

While we flee, our own people, our own blood is being destroyed,
corrupted and desecrated! How can we let this happen?
There is no possible explanation for this question!
There is only one answer that is correct... We must fight!
Let us die with some honour left in our blood,
because THAT is what our enemy least desires!

- Romar Lavamor,
Field Marshall of Fresia
4029, Year of the Rising Fear

[/i][/right]

While Haia sailed the world’s seas, the March of the Damned arrived in Giran. Estimates say that somewhere near fourhundred thousand men, women and children arrived in the great Windspur City. While these refugees arrived, the Council of the Nine Kingdoms had just held another council in the same city, this time with representatives of all kingdoms, although three out of nine kings were not alive to attend to this important meeting. In this council it was decided that one last army of all Nine Kingdoms would march west again, because of the words of one brave man: Romar Lavamor of Fresia. They knew that they would meet their certain doom, but it was better then to flee without honour.
And so the Second March of the Damned was initiated, and this time, it did not flee. It did not cower. It did not crumble before the terror of Ogh. Instead, they fought! In the Pass of Giran, a little to the west of Windspur City, a great battle took place, claiming the lives of thousands and thousands of men, elves and dwarves. A lot of brave and wise men died that day, but they all died with the greatest of honour.

But ultimately, the Second March was doomed to fail, and so it did. The Hordes of the Black Cloud turned out to be unstoppable. Soon, all of Hularan would fall into the cold grasp of Ogh, Wielder of the Dead Staff. There were none, who could stop this terrible fate from happening...

Perhaps, perhaps not... For Haia would soon arrive in the harbour of Cayhem, the second city of Giran. When he did, the Second March of the Damned had already failed, and message had already been heard in Windspur City. Despair and sadness dominated everyone’s mind. Nobody undertook any real actions, even not the leaders of the remaining countries.
Haia witnessed all this, and he couldn’t believe the passiveness of his people. He immediately set up a great escape plan, and all capable ships were to be gathered in the city of Cayhem. All survivors had to follow. There was no way to win the war, but they could still survive it, and keep their honour, since they had fought bravely. Meanwhile, Haia kept his piece of the Shrine hidden. Finally, all ships were readied, but their wasn’t nearly enough space for everybody to leave the continent.
This resulted to enormous entry fees for a room on board of the ships. The rich and influential could afford it, but most people could not, and were left behind, to share the fate of so many already...

One wonders, Grisham, how you managed to gain entry on board of a ship...


Chapter X – The Great Fleet

And so it came to pass, that an enormous fleet with all kinds of banners left the harbour of Cayhem, for good. Hularan would fall, the Nine Kingdoms with it. Their was no turning back. There was no knowing of were they would land. All that was important, was to survive.

And thus, the Great Fleet travelled the oceans, heading south-east, and all wished that new land would be found soon. There wishes, it seemed, would not be fulfilled. A year and two months long, there was no land in sight. Only the always faraway horizon.

Indeed, these months of my live have been a great waist. To have nothing on your hands doesn’t always mean that that time is useless, because it gives one the opportunity for thinking. Alas, to me they were still a waist, for all I could think about those days was the pain that rested on my shoulders.

Then, suddenly, we were surprised when great dark clouds packed together, strong winds and huge waves played with our ships, and lightning scared the harshest of our sailor men. We were trapped in a storm, and lightning hit one of our greatest ships. It was the ship which carried many of our books that were brought with us, so that the knowledge would be preserved. It could not be this way... The ship burned, and sunk, and so did the scrolls of ancients, and many brave people aboard.

As I said, one year and two months had passed on board of those ships, when suddenly, far away on the horizon, a black stripe appeared. We had reached land! With our last energy we sailed to the shores, and indeed, the land we had discovered was large, and above all, bountiful. Scouts reported to us that the land was uninhabited, and not to much different from our old world. Our joy knew no boundaries, and with renewed hope and strength we build our houses and farms.

This was one year ago... I remember it so fondly... But when I look back further, my memory is cloaked in shadows. For Hularan was still under the control of the Master of Darkness, and even here, thousands of miles southwards, I could still feel his presence...

[K Man]

This is turning out to be quite the tale Vemu. How long have you been working on this? It's good so far.

Yes your map scale seems fine. Nice big continent.

I haven't had the time to scour this thing with a fine tooth comb for grammatical errors, but I have noticed a few here and there. For instance;

Indeed, these months of my live have been a great waist.

I think you mean 'Indeed, these months of my life have been a great waste.'

Or:

they passed through Haran, and their number grew taller and taller.

Try: 'They passed through Haran and their number grew each day they marched.' or something to that effect.

Anyways, maybe someday I'll get around to scouring or remembering more, but you get the point. Just a few tense and conjugation errors.

Also, With the previous chapters, I-VI, they had titles that were more archaic...more fantasy setting. They seemed to take a harsh jump towards more modern words with VII-IX. Maybe instead of;

The Harsh Truth - Evil Revealed(?)
Run or Die - The Juggernaut Advances(?) The people seek safety(?) March of the Damned(?)
One Last Effort - Hope Restored(?)

I do like the title of Chapter X though, returns to the fantasy type titles.

Keep it coming man.

[VemuKhaham]

Thanks for the great comments!
As I have noticed, it's quite difficult to write in English, to me my second language. Therefore thanks for the spelling/grammar corrections.
And you know, I actually thought the same thing about the title 'Run or Die'. I only never changed it . Thanks for the suggestions; I'm thinking about your 'March of the Damned'. About the others: I like 'Evil revealed'. Maybe I'll change it. But I don't know why you don't like 'One Last Effort'. Nevertheless, I will think about it, and for now; here are the next chapters of our Tale...


Chapter XI – New Hope

At last... Firm soil beneath my feet. I cannot describe with mere words, the excitement, the joy and the fear I experience now. A new world means new hope. Hope for people who thought hope had forsaken them. Maybe there will be hope for me too, on this vast continent.

- Haia the Banished,
former inhabitant of Ban Isle
4031, Year of Rebirth

[/b][/right]

As I said, we went land inwards and erected many settlements. All hoped the Glory of Past Days could be rebuild. I settled myself in the small village of Merrywater, some miles northwest of the new capitol Newhope, known by elves as Estelwyn, meaning Newhope. The continent was named Varlond by the elves, translated as Safe Haven. I give you these translations of human and elven names, because all races came together to this new land, and they lived among each other like never before. Dwarves mostly seeked solitude however, travelling farther land inwards then all of the other races. Hobbits, who came along as well, found a good balance between both. Not all elves stayed in human settlements, however: most of them build their own living places too.

But what happened to Haia, who still carried with him a piece of the foul Shrine of Impurity? He kept it for himself, until recently... Why he kept it, you ask? We don’t know... All we know is that he did, and just a couple of weeks ago, he suddenly presented it to the New Council, a collection of all of the most important surviving representatives of the old Nine Kingdoms. He told them everything... He was judged harshly for his treason, as it was called. Soon, he will be executed for his crime, although I am not aware of the details yet. Hope had forsaken him at last, it seems...

I think, however, that I can get some inside information through some contacts of mine... Mm, good idea!

Do you never learn of your actions, Grisham? I have told you over and over that your criminal contacts will not keep helping you!

At least they help me better then those snobbish bureaucrats! And I find it important that people know the truth about the actions of their own government!


Chapter XII - A map of Valrond

I have found another map, and this one shows us the known land of Valrond. It is, however, still a strange land to us, and thus this map might not be very accurate and precise yet. But, I can assure you: there are none better then this fine example!



[Same remarks and legenda as with the map of Hularan apply here, with some additions.]

Legenda: (translated in English)
- Red lines: major roads
- black: unexplored
- round dots: city with ca. 1000 inhabitants
- I'm thinking on changing the scale given on the map still; what do you think?

[K Man]

But I don't know why you don't like 'One Last Effort'.

I think I was on a roll...it doesn't sound that bad honestly...keep it if you want. It's your work.

English is your second language? Damn...you're doing quite well then. Aside from the few grammatical errors I'd say you're doing just fine. What's your first language?

That llast chapter was good.

I think if you're going to change the scale on your maps, you ought to keep them the same. I.E. - 1cm = 200 or 25 miles. Just for the sake of consistency and to give you readers a sense of scale.

EDIT: I edited your last post to make the image viewable easier. You can just use the image tags.

[/ img]

[VemuKhaham]

About your comments:

Thanks. I come from the Netherlands, so I speak Dutch as a first language.
Thanks again.
About the scales: I don't know. The difference between 25 and 200 is quite a lot. Maybe I will rework the map on Varlond once, for I wasn't entirely satisfied with it yet.
And now, here is the ending of the tale of Hularan and the dawn, and following them will come to more appendices. Maybe you'll notice this last chapter will work a bit more to a possible campain I will run in the world. Anyway, here it is.


Chapter XIII – Current Affairs

Haia will be hung in two days... The execution will take place on the marketplace of Newhope, and I think it will be worth the visit. Not that I approve of his execution, however. It’s just... he’s a famous criminal!

Well put! He was a criminal, and so he is still a criminal!

This was not all that has passed recently. For the New Council seems to be frustrated because of something... They say it is because of the Piece of the Shrine. I found out that Haia wasn’t what he used to be before he obtained that strange piece of rubble.

Do not speak of the Stone as though it merely is a piece of rubble! I have gotten my hands on new knowledge, and it does not bode well for the preservation of Varlond at all. As I write this down, the best scholars of Varlond are researching this strange artifact, as I would prefer to call it. I think I already know what that Black Stone will mean to the preservation of goodness!

I had the privilege to examine the Stone from a better point of view: it was in the palm of my hand. When I took a closer look at the black stone, I was horrified by my discovery. I could not believe my eyes yet, so I looked even closer, and I saw it: the words that sounded oh so familiar to me:

There is no way to stop him, no way to run
No chance of escaping, for it has already begun

I hope now you’ll get the hint, but I will explain it further nonetheless. Great disasters would befall on Varlond, and history would repeat itself, because of the faults of one criminal: Haia the Banished. He was to blame for bringing the piece of the Shrine of Impurity and thus the attention of Ogh to Varlond. Hularan has fallen, and soon Varlond will share its fate...

But that is terrible news! We are all doomed then! We must flee at once, for the preservation of our blood! Of MY blood!

No! That would be even more foolish. If we run, we will fail, even if we get away quickly enough and we leave the Shrinestone behind. For it is this black stone that Ogh wants, and if he gets it, all will be doomed, even Aenysia! Who could have guessed that the battles of Aenysia would be decided here on Fenroth? Even Djenna the Timekeeper could not have foretold.

No, instead we must fight back! I will speak to the New Council and try to get permission for an expedition to Hularan. There can be no doubt that this will be the only real solution, but I cannot guarantee that the Council will risk it.

The Shrine of Impurity must be destroyed, and this can only be done by destroying this one piece Haia brought with him, for all the pieces are linked together and they need each other to remain in existance. Furthermore, this is also the link which makes it possible for Ogh to spy on the one who bears the Stone. But to destroy this one Stone, it must be united with the rest, and one can complete the ritual by saying some ancient words from an ancient language:

Ruma ai’ Ganu i fallo san
Tri’an kai sempto ruma ban

There is another rhyme that will have the opposite effect, but I will not utter them here, for that would be foolish...

[VemuKhaham]

And here they are then: the last two chapters (appendices) of my writing. These appendices will not tell about the Dawn of Corruption anymore, rather they will explain some important things of my world. I hope you'll enjoy it.


Appendix I: The Nine Kingdoms in more detail

In this first appendix of my book, I shall give you the large scope on the now-gone but never-to-be forgotten Nine Kingdoms. I will not go into great detail, for I feel that to try so would be in vain. Nevertheless, the following pages will grant you a better look on each of the individual Kingdoms.

Giran
Giran is a great and wealthy country, and it has a powerful military might. It's economy is largely based on agriculture and mining. It's capital city is called Windspur City, a city inhabited by mostly humans, but the occassional hobbit and half-elf can be found there too. The second city is the great port of Cayhem, wich isn't much different from Windspur City concerning the inhabitants. One important site situated in Giran is the Tower of Archmages, the central academy for all archmages of Hularan. Another important point to mention is that Giran had, in the early ages, colonized the largely uninhabited island later named Ban Isle, and it was used as an enormous prison.

Thuran
Thuran is by far the richest country on Hularan. Gargantuan palaces, great temples and beautiful monuments can be found there, but for those with a more objective look, there is also the place were you will encounter the poorest people on the ancient continent. Thuran's capitol is Athahem, also a magnificent city, for those with the coin to enjoy it's luxuries. Thuran thrives because of fishery and above all it's colony in the south. Once, in a great, almost non-violent war, the humans from Thuran conquered a lot of exotic land in a place inhabited by the elves of Iliantur. However, the elves weren't as war-mongering as the Thuranese, and thus they willfully retreated and some sort of diplomatic agreement was signed in wich the lands and many islands were divided. Many humans and elves lived among eachother from then on, and the result was obvious: the first half-elves were born. These half-elves are nowadays accepted through all of Hularan, and their numbers are many.

Fresia
Fresia is the land of ice and barbarian tribes in the north and more southwarts you will meet mountains and grasslands and a great civilisation, descended from the noblest of warriors from the north. They are strong, somewhat rough but loyal and honourable people. Many dwarves are known to visit and even settle in the lands of Fresia, especially in the more isolated northern regions. These dwarves are attracted by the iron reserves in the mountains, but also, maybe even more, the attitude of the Fresians, who don't differ so much from the dwarves. Fishery is the major source of food, but the iron is export number one. The Fresian navy is strong and fierceless. Ravenrock is the capitol city, populated by humans for about 97%, and the other 3% is almost entirely filled up by dwarves.

Iliantur
Iliantur is the only elven nation on Hularan. It is layn in the deep rainforests of Hularan in the south. The country is more or less a great archipelago located not far from the mainland. The capitol city, also called Iliantur, the oldest city on Hularan, is situated on an island. The elves live as hunters and gatherers, like elves are best at. Almost the only inhabitants are elves and some half-elves.
Elves are an immortal race. They are also most likely to be gifted the gift of magic. Elves are known for their great cultural achievements in arts, ranging from music to magic, and militairy discipline.

Haran
Haran is the enormous country in the middle of Hularan. It is so large, that it's culture is mainly a mixture of all kingdoms that surround it, wich are almost all of them. An elven influence in the south-east, an influence from Sathra Ghan in the south-west, dwarves and barbarian tendencies in the far north and a touch of Thuran and Giran in the east. A real culture of it's own is not really present. Haran isn't the richest of countries, but it has great military strength because of it's population size. Their agriculture is the greatest source of income. Because of it's great multicultural status, the Great Council Building is situated in Tosva, the capitol city of Haran.

Fenmar
A large country in the north, Fenmar is a land of snow. Dwarves are known to live here, but humans are still the major population. Barbarian tribes can be found in the great east and north of the country, and a small but beautiful civilisation is situated in the west, greatly influenced by dwarven culture. The country has a very low population density, and the country relies on import of food, because by itself, it can only fish, for the tundra is not suitable for agriculture. To offset these great costs of import, it exports gold and silver, found in it's many mountain ranges. And thus, Fenmar is actually quite a wealthy country. Its military strength, however, is dubious, for the country isn't really a unity, and the barbarians do not cooperate under the law of Fenmar.

Untar
Untar is the land of the dwarves. It's climate is as cold or even colder then Fenmar's. And thus, the dwarves seek their shelter underground, under the mountains. Onder these mountains, two great mining cities can be found; Untar, the capitol, and Ruckbar. Dwarves are by far the most dominant race in these lands, although in the less frozen south, some hobbits live. Dwarves seek gold and iron in their mountains, and the food they need is gathered from the fungi underground, and imported if needed.

Origan
Origan is the fairly large, agricultural land of the hobbits. Its capitol, called Aheina, is a human city though. This is possible because of the lack of concern these hobbits have pertaining politics and power, and thus the more dominant humans have taken control. The hobbits do not even seem to be bothered by it, so Origan is a peacefull country, with no real military power. The south reaches of the country lie in the desert, through which a great river runs and grants great fertility along it's banks. Golodon, situated near the sea, is the biggest hobbit community.

Sathra Ghan
Sathra Ghan is a country with people who have adepted their architecture, industry, military and all other customs completely to the desert in which it is situated. The food is produced on the banks of the same river which runs through Origan. Fishing is the secundary source of food. The Ghanese are renowned for their feroucity on sea, and, although a war has never occured to test it, their fleet is probably as powerful or even more so then the Fresian or Thuranese navy. Their strange but beatiful culture has always been a problem for the diplomatic relationships with the rest of the Nine Kingdoms, and the pacts that apply to all of the Kingdoms seem to have less of an impact on Sathra Ghan. The humans that live there are different in appearance from the rest of Hularan, as the tone of their skin is somewhat darker then in the rest of Hularan. This has also led to some feelings of distrust to each other.


Appendix II: The Tale about Magic on Fenroth

In this appendix, I will tell you something about magic here on Fenroth, for it is a power so important and strange that it has affected civilisation greatly.

First and foremost, let me explain the difference between two types of magic: rough magic and professional magic. Essentially, the difference is that one can be born with rough magic and discover it's gift, and then practice it as an archmage and learn to control it, so it becomes professional magic. There are different steps in the process, and most never improve from one step to the next.

First, you must be born with the gift. Some races are more often blessed with the gift then others. The following will show you this:

Elf (1%)
Half-elf (0,2%)
Human (0,02%)
Hobbit (0,003%)
Dwarve (0,0001%)

If one is born with the gift, it is still very unlikely he will learn he has the blessing. That is the next step to professional magic. Sometimes, someone with the gift will do strange things, like a flame suddenly leaving his hands, or other strange magical symptoms.These symptoms can be very dangerous sometimes, especially when the person wielding the magic still isn't aware of his gift.

Those who see it, will have to make an important decision. Will he leave his magic for what it is, understanding he has it and thus giving him a minor control of his powers, or proceed to the next step and try to learn about his gift. Those who choose the latter, will have to find a trainer. An obvious choice on Hularan is the academy of Archmages of Gelrone. This is a school where those with magic learn from each other to use their gift. To become a member, one has to swear he will devote his life to the preservation of order and goodness, in exchange for his education. The training will require the character's full attention, and will eventually learn them how to get their magic to its greatest potential; professional magic.

Those who graduate at the Tower of Gelrone receive the title of Archmage. At the time of the Dawn of Corruption, there were about fifty Archmages only. This proofs that it takes great skill to qualify, and even though the number of people with the gift itself is quite large, there are only a handfull who discover it and continue.

[K Man]

Pretty Good Vemu,

As for the nine kingdoms. Do you plan on doing their own chapters sometime? A bit more fleshing out for them. Some history, famous NPCs from the region etc?

I like the idea of magic being professional and rough. Gives it kind of an 'X-Man' feel with the mutant powers. Although, I kind of had that impression from the difference between sorcerors and wizards anyway.

Lastly, when you refer to Hobbits, do you mean Halflings?

Pretty good, I like it.

[VemuKhaham]

Thanks for your comments once again and for your interest in my work, now completely here on the boards.

Hobbits would be halflings yes, but more in stats then in flavour text as written in the PhB. I always thought gnomes were given the flavour text fitting hobbits (living under hills, prefering the comforts of home, joyful personality, eating many times a' day, etc), while halflings had the statlike abilities of hobbits (age, agile, resistant, daring). That's why I have mixed the flavour text of the gnomes and the stats of the halflings to create the race of Hobbits from Lord of the Ring.

The magic indeed is different from core D&D. However, I still don't know how to create a system like this in rules. I was thinking about making the professional magic user a powerful prestige class, and would you wish to obtain it's status, which is almost impossible, you will have to fulfill some kind of training/test by the Guild of Archmages by Gelrone after having had an extensive study, or perhaps I'll just not make the Archmage playable for pc's.
About rough magic, I thought I should give somebody the choice of having it, but if he had it, it would count as a level advancement or something. Still thinking on that though.

And about further flashing out the world and the Nine Kingdoms: I would like nothing more, but currently my life's quite busy and I don't think I would be able to. If that should change, this will probably be a next priority yes.

If any of you have any further comments and/or suggestions on this or anything else about my work, I would love to here it.

[K Man]

That's why I have mixed the flavour text of the gnomes and the stats of the halflings to create the race of Hobbits from Lord of the Ring.

Gotcha, makes sense. Personally, having not read the books and only being exposed to the movies, I'll have to take your word for it.

I was thinking about making the professional magic user a powerful prestige class

Not a bad thought. When you get it done, post it here. We've got a few guys that are good at number crunching and 'breaking' things with loopholes. They'd probably be willing to look it over.

And about further flashing out the world and the Nine Kingdoms: I would like nothing more, but currently my life's quite busy

Happens to the best of us. If you need help or ides, let us know.

Thanks again for sharing your world with us. With a little fleshing and more detail, it could be an awesome place to play.