Headlong...

[Zarni]

Hey guys, I threw this together in a fit of fatigue driven desperation at about 2 one morning, and I'm not entirely sure what it is. However, it might provoke some interesting thoughts if looked at in the right way. To this end, I'd love to know what goes on in the old brain matter when you read this....

Headlong...

Blindfolded, his hands tied behind his back, he ran. Joshua Alexander Allen, a man with a purpose and no sense of direction. Around him he heard the pounding feet of others, running with him and, presumably, also blindfolded. Occasionally he heard a thud, a muffled scream receding into the distance as one of his unknown companions met with an obstruction. Idly the back of his mind toyed with what would happen if he himself were to hit something running at this speed. He could almost hear the sickening crunch of bone and cartilage being crushed out of shape by an impact.

Ahead of him the voice taunted him onwards.

“Joshua Alexander Allen, you are falling behind. Come-”

He ran faster. Another crunch from behind him, to his left. No scream with that one. There probably hadn’t been time, that sadistic bit of his mind told him. The poor unfortunate would have been unconscious, or dead, too quickly. His breath was a howling wind in his ears, his footfalls hammer blows on the leaves and undergrowth beneath him. He imagined how it would feel when his ankles were forced to bend and twist when they shouldn’t; he could all but taste the blood as it welled from every new crack it could find. But he couldn’t slow down.

“Joshua Alexander Allen, you are falling behind-”

The voice was slightly to his left. He veered towards it. Good call. Back from his right came another scream, and this one only stopped when he was too far away to hear it anymore. And then it continued to echo in his head. He could feel his heartbeat, his pulse was a living thing trying to break out of his skin, rhythmically, persistently. The black of his eyelids, covered by the ragged piece of cloth, was tinged with red from the exertion. He had no idea what was behind him, if anything, nor would turning his head help,

“Joshua Alexander Allen, you are falling-”

but he had never felt so alive.

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Discuss.

[VemuKhaham]

I'll try to tell what I thought while reading, whether it makes sense or not. It made me think of society at large. Everybody's blind, sometimes purposefully, sometimes because of circumstances, of what is going on in the world. Regardless, we keep on running, like a blind hysteric mob, afraid of falling behind. If we fall behind it means others will take advantage of us or are able to, like with the build-up of weapons by nations or citizens. We just hope the others will fall first before we do. In the end, it is obvious though that this way of living leads to ultimate doom for everybody and everything. That is the nature of man kind, and it may even be our way of feeling alive, and the reason why we will never be able to live in Utopia.

In short, there is always something we fear, and if there is no apparent reason to do so we create one ourselves.

[TheZebraShakes™]

I see a lot of what Vemu observed. It seems to run along intermingling social and personal issues.

In the beginning and all the way through there is that sense of urgency which the voice serves to remind us of. Though I thought that in order to make it seem more urgent you may try writing the story in the present tense rather than the past as you have done here. I'm not sure if that style is to your liking, and maybe it won't serve to add to what you're doing here, just something I thought I'd throw out there since I thought of it.

[Japic]

To me I read the beginning of a story that I wanted more of. I care not for percieved anecdotal references to society, only for a good story of man vs the unknown. That is always our worst enemy, the unknown. Though in this story I would have enjoyed learning the why, or just what they ran from. But that's just me.